Mondays

I am happy to be alive and all…but Mondays in general drag along at a snail’s pace. I am so ready to move on to another chapter in my life. I feel as if I should be doing more…socially, spiritually, creatively…As I have undoubtedly stated before, I have very little patience. I hate waiting. It’s as if I am waiting for my life to begin in a certain sense. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very driven and passionate about what I am currently doing in my life, but I sometimes wonder what’s next. I’m getting a bit restless, and I feel like I should somehow be in preparation for what’s next…I guess I am just rambling at this point. But on to a different subject…

So I am currently interested in a couple of guys right now. And I am only looking for simple companionship…still very friendly, not too deep, not necessarily exclusive, but something more than what I have now. I want someone in my life I can really talk to and who listens to me. Someone who does not have all of these ulterior motives. I am not ready to get married or anything (and having kids is a long shot at best at this point in life…I think I may be too selfishJ), I just want to casually date around and have some fun. However, here is the dilemma. There is a guy that I am really, really feeling, but he lives all the way in New York, is super busy and doesn’t see me in that way. Plus, he’s got so many women in his life (friends, business associates, ex-girlfriends, etc.) that I am not too sure where I would fit into the mix. As a matter of fact, I am not even sure if he finds me physically attractive, but he does not communicate his intentions very clearly and I have been explicit with the fact that I like him…Ah well, such is life. Then there is someone locally that I am somewhat attracted to…he’s an artist, writes poetry, cute and wonderfully expressive creatively…nevertheless, he does not have any interpersonal communication skills so I am clueless as to how he actually perceives me (as a friend, potential date, etc.) Then there’s one of my church members. He’s younger by a couple of years, but extremely physically attractive and quite nice to me….but again, no one has made a move. It’s such a ridiculous situation…perhaps I’ll just move to Utah and become a recluse. Stranger things have happened…Maybe I’m too picky, I could try to lower my standards, but I think I’d just end up getting bored way too quickly.


Check me out!

Leaving on a Midnight Train...

Well, not a train exactly, but I did leave...on an airplane NYC bound. I couldn't wait to get out of town last weekend. It's been an oppressive summer, and I was looking forward to letting my hair down and getting loose-which I managed to do. Well, not too loose...but at least I chilled. I even threw in a photo shoot with my boy Chuck in for good measure. Which leads me to today's topic-I think I have forgotten how to relax. Simply thinking about nothing and chilling on a weekend has truly lost all meaning. I don't what it means to go on vacation and not work on some project: freelance writing projects, the magazine, modeling, etc., etc. My mind is almost always racing...it's amazing if I am even able to read a good book that is not related to publishing, the entertainment industry or running your own business. Nonetheless, I did make time to read the latest edition of the Harry Potter series and a great detective adventure, Hoax by Robert Tannebaum. Superb reads...

Perhaps I should reconnect with my inner 12 year old. I remember the days when I was perfectly content laying around watching television and chatting on the phone with my friends about nothing...everything and all sort of stuff in between. Those were the days...well, I should get some sleep. I have a shoot in the morning and I need all the beauty sleep I can muster. I gotta say, I'm loving this whole blog thing. It's actually fun carving a little space for myself in cyberspace. It's such a exhilerating and freeing experience to just let me thoughts float out into the universe for anyone who is interested to see/read. I feel liberated tonight. All for now I guess.

The Intimidation Factor (image courtesy of TLR Photography)

I just posted this in one of my the forums I frequent on a regular URM World, but I thought it would also be appropriate to write about here as well:

I have heard it at least a hundred times or more from brothas that I am intimidating to approach. I honestly don't get it. I literally walk around smiling and laughing all of the time, because generally speaking I am a pretty upbeat person. As I often say, how can someone with dimples be intimidating ??? Those of you who know me realize that when I do get upset it never lasts more than an hour (unless I am in a true rage, and none of y'all have witnessed that yet). I'm not sure what kind of vibe I am giving off, but I'd love to hear some opinions on this topic. Ladies---have you ever been labeled "intimidating." Fellas---have you ever felt intimidated by a women. And if you don't want to implicate yourself, you can always use examples from other people's lives...

I don't know about dating right now. I'm completely at a loss as to how it's done. Guys have been so full of crap lately, that I just don't know what to do. I was chatting with one of my girls the other night, and she decided to just give up the struggle and turn it all over to God. Not a bad idea if you ask me. I mean really, I'm seriously at the point that the Lord is going to have to literally send me my future mate, put a red bow around him and stick him in my front yard before I'm convinced he is the one for me. I know, sounds crazy, but it is totally how I am feeling right now. I can't take this relationship madness anymore. At this point I'd settle for a nice dinner and some decent conversation...any takers?