In a very recent past, I loved a man, who, while I know cared for me, loved himself to the point of self indulgence. When you have that amount of self love, there is no room for sacrifice and commitment. When you have that selfish me, me, me attitude, love outside of yourself does not exist. Is he happy with his current situation, probably? But the truth of the matter is…I no longer care. In the grand scheme of things, I want this man to find happiness, true spiritual joy and contentment…and ultimately what it is to know love. That kind of love that makes you smile from within. The kind of love that makes you feel good just to make someone else’s life a little brighter.
There is another, who I have yet to fall in love with…but for whom I could definitely see myself quickly falling: he is kind, gentle, caring, driven and passionate…but completely unable to leave the baggage from a former relationship at the door.
Gentlemen, peace be unto you…because I do not have the time nor inclination to help you understand what will make you happy…to wait for you to decide if I am worthy of your affections…or to force you to want to be with me. That time has passed. The defining moment in my life thus far was when I got a call about my father being diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. He is fighting for his life each day, each moment of my father’s day is about simply breathing. His predicament helped me to realize what is important in my life and what I can do without. I need my friends to ride with me right now…I can’t deal with self indulgence, uncertainty or anything else that negates positivity. I need friends to be friends, it’s pretty simple…I need support, COMMUNICATION, and honesty. Those are the only non negotiable demands I have. It has taken me a really long time to be able to say this…but I am a good woman, and excellent catch and a valuable asset to anyone that I choose and who chooses to engage in romantic dealings with me. If you can’t appreciate my worth and allow yourself to live outside of your comfort zone to see if this can work, then all I can say is that you are missing out on one hell of an experience and opportunity—the chance to feel what it is like to be truly loved and cared for by me.
On Sunday, Pastor brought a powerful message. His topic was two-fold; he spoke about the power of prayer and the importance of having a solid prayer life. We are quick to put everything before God…work, career, relationship drama, and anything else you can think of before the work we are supposed to be doing for the Lord. Our purpose, beyond all else, is to be a living example of God’s goodness and grace. Otherwise what was the point of Christ dying for our sins? Every time we do not live up to our full potential as one of God’s children, we are crucifying Him all over again. How many times will it really take us to learn the lessons we need to learn? During Sunday school, one of the recurring themes that we discussed was the concept that “It’s Not All About You.” Selfishness will blind you…it will. It will blind you to good thoughts and good people and a healthy life, spiritually, mentally and physically. This is not to say that you are not supposed to take care of yourself. There is a big difference between being selfish and showing self love. It can be hard to see the difference, but if from time to time you just think about the simple fact that ultimately “it’s not all about you,” I am pretty sure we will all find our way—sooner or later.