Every once in a while it is necessary to unplug from the matrix and decompress. When trying to build a business while working full time, the opportunity to relax is not always there, not to mention just giving yourself a mental health break.
A good friend told me to unplug from the matrix today….and for once I didn’t fight it, I didn’t complain that I didn’t have time, I just did it. And boy does it feel good.
There has been a considerable amount of ups and downs in my life lately. Emotional turbulence has run amuck within my inner circle, love is complicated to say the least, and I am dealing with Daddy’s passing on a daily basis…but the key word is "dealing." Contrary to popular belief, I am not just surviving, I am not just clutching to certain people like a safety net. My judgment isn’t clouded…and I still have faith and love in the things that matter. I once told a friend that people will show you just who they are…I still believe that, but there is an addendum, you have to know what you are looking for…I know that I am strong and non judgmental, so there is no need to proclaim that fact on a continuous basis. I do listen to what people have to say…doesn’t always mean I will follow that advice, even when the other person thinks that I should…I have often been told what I can and cannot do…I’ve often been told what I should and shouldn’t do….but not no one except God to this day has ever dictated what I will and will not do.
My life is my own. I come with flaws. Trust that beyond anything else I know who I am. At the core, I am still the same person I was 1 year, 2 years even 5 years ago; what has changed is my experiences... Although, admittedly, I am a survivor, I have yet to just survive. I have always lived. And what is most upsetting is when those who you believe are closest to you somehow manage to forget that. As my pastor often says, "things ain’t always what they look like." To all of my friends--I love you, but understand, you may not know me as well as you think…the only person who knows me in totality is God…To love me, is to love everything about me…this is not a buffet, picking and choosing is not an option on the menu. Sorry.
I will never, ever treat people the way they treat me. My heart won’t let me.
Its 8:20 am and I'm blogging. I've stopped by to see if you've blessed us with your inner thoughts but got stuck on dating musicians lol ...which you know I'll never do again.
ReplyDeleteI've read this blog and as always connect with it because i myself I'm experiencing the same meltdown.
To add to your... "to know me is to love me", I have to say when family meaning blood related) prove to you that you are in a warped zone of being who you are, its useless to even think that friends can understand you the same. All I can say is that I know who and how I am and yes God is the only one who knows me.
So you're right. Be who you are, don't expect anything from anyone and dont' give what you can't. You are only one person and self preservation is the game I'm running now. I can't do it all and won't pretend that I can.
I think about you from time to time with your recent passing and though I know you hear you're strong, you'll be alright, I do wonder about your survival methods. Do what's best for you. You are definitely thought of.
P.S...my flaws: I still suck my thumb when I don't feel like speaking to anyone lol
xoxo ...miss ya
Ah it's Onika, my soul sister number 1. Girl I have missed you too. It always amazes me how strong our bond is although we have never physically met...the power of words are holy:-). I'm glad you commented...although validation was not needed, it felt really, really good to hear it anyway . I've been busy, but I am thinking of you often. As usual, your words were right on time. Thank you.
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