Blessed

I have a lot going on for me right now...lots of clients, the magazine is flourishing and I'm moving on in my acting/modeling career (although I could seriously use a manager and a personal assistant for JSW Media Group, any takers). Quick shout out to Mason Price at Mdot Films--I had a great time shooting the film last week...can't wait to do more jobs with you.

I'm just feeling good about everything...mentally, physically and spiritually. I'm making quite a bit of headway with the poetry book, I am going to self-publish first, then who knows...someone may pick it up after they see how many I can move on my own. The other novel is going to take a bit more time...I'm off to a decent start, but since this is the first novel, I'm hitting a few snags. However, there are so many talented authors out there that I have been blessed enough to know and network with that getting some advice and guidance should not be too much of a problem.

A minister at church gave me a message last night that I am really taking to heart. He told me to make sure that I keep my mind on Christ because I have some intense blessings coming...Truer words have never been spoken. You know, in this industry, it is so easy to get caught up in the glamour, in the process of making connections and making money that you lose sight of what is important. I cannot allow myself to do that...I have to keep focused. My job above all else is to #1. Keep God first and #2. Be an example as to the goodness of the Lord...You can agree or disagree with that if you want, that's not my concern. Regardless, I'm here to bear witness, and that's exactly what I am doing. Like I often tell people, you not believing in what I believe in does not make it any less true for me in my world, lol.

And on that note...until next time...Peace and Blessings.

Free Falling (without a safety net)

My last boyfriend and I were not a good match because we didn't share a fundamental characteristic...ambition. I had it, he didn't. He was content with just being...and I have always wanted to push myself to the limits of my endurance. I admit it, I love the adrenaline rush of seeing if I can get it all done...Can I handle a relationship while balancing a career, social obligations and all of my other extracurricular activities...These are the million dollar questions of the moment. I want so much, but the real conversation I need to have with myself is, "but do I need it." Do I need everything that I want? Or are my eyes locked on an unattainable future. I suffer from a unique problem, I am ambitious and driven with the soul of a artist, which, simply put, means that I am too sensitive...how in the heck is it possible for me to let the comments the industry critics make about me roll off of my back, yet a simple phone call from the man I am interested in can rattle me beyond belief...Let me explain: have you ever given someone a gift, something that you put a lot of yourself into..only to get a lackluster response in return. There's no real reason why I should feel disappointed, but I do. I gave someone something today that meant a lot...and I'm not sure if the person truly appreciated what it took for me to express myself so intimately...and the person just didn't give me the reaction that I had hoped for...no, I wasn't expecting him to jump up and down, throw up his hands in excitment and throw me a ticker tape parade down Broad street in Richmond...but I has hoping for an acknowledgement of the gift...I didn't even know that he had received it until after I asked him about it. I am so sick of being the pursuer, the romancer...can I be pursued and romanced for once?...I want to receive an email or a call out of the blue saying that "I was thinking of you and just wanted to check up on you." My biggest fear is materializing right before my eyes, that I imagined something that was not really there...Perhaps the comfort, compatibility and passion was a figment of my overactive imagination...WHATEVER, I need to get a grip:) I didn't imagine a thing. I'm just feeling vulnerable because for the first time in a long time, I really, really like someone...and the fact that I am wearing my heart on my sleeve right now and that my emotions are so exposed is scary...but I am going to be honest with you, I wouldn't trade this feeling for anything in the world...I love being open and real about my feelings...or else I wouldn't be me. I have a lot to offer...I'm to a point in my life where I am finally able to appreciate my value and the value I bring to the life of a man who chooses me...and all of the challenges therein...It may not be easy, but it will most definitely be worth the effort in the end...Any one strong enough to take care of my emotional needs will never have to worry about having a shoulder to lean on, a friend when things are bad or an encourager...I give my all...always:)

Life is good. And who am I to complain.

Danger!!! Entering a Blogging Zone

Blogging can be dangerous. And in actuality, reading other people's blogs can be hazardous to one's mental health.

Well, I just made the mistake of logging on to, for the sake of privacy let's call him "Ralph", Ralph's blog today...and of course he was talking about another woman that he may be interested in and dating, etc. It wasn't a bad post, I just don't know what to think. We are so "undefined" right now that I am not sure where I stand with him. I honestly think he's afraid to make a move with me because of how it may look...I don't know, I'm reaching. I'm not confused, I know exactly what I want, I think I'm just scared that it's not going to happen, and I'll get my feelings hurt...again, lol. But that's life...you just dust yourself off and start over again when necessary. God made me strong, I just have to remember that. However, I think that I'm really good for him and he's good for me...and I just hope he values me as much as I value him as part of my life.

I know I'm rambling, but the real question is...does he read my blog like I read his. That's the million dollar question:-)

My freelance client base is really growing, my writing is starting to take off. Now if I could just find an agent for the modeling and acting side of my biz, then I would be straight. I just need my website finished so that the online marketing can begin. Well, no use in complaining. Everything is everything, and I am just happy to be able to thank God for another day and another chance to get it right.

Stay Up!